To anyone still reading this blog, hello again!
It has been three months since I last wrote a post, mainly because life got in the way. I may be physically better but the journey of healing from this disease is a life-long discipline. And it was time for me to return to living a ‘normal’ life.
Admittedly, it has been difficult. There have been a lot of wins but I can’t help but feel the losses even more.
First big win – I started working again!
When I got super sick in July 2023, I stopped everything and left my work abruptly without properly transitioning the projects I was heading to my team. I’m so grateful that they were able to manage it without me and let me have my time to recover and get better. I couldn’t give them a definite date on when I’d be able to return (if I even could), but they never let my sickness be an issue. They allowed me to stay on until I was ready to come back.
It took me 8 months till I was able to officially go back to work. I lucked out with the company I work in and the people I work with and for. I’m sure not everyone would allow this but they did. It meant so much to me to have been able to keep my job. I promised I’d be back and I stuck to my word.
But coming from 0 work and barely having a social life, I had a hard time adjusting. I felt like a new student all over again. I was so anxious that I was too scared to even say or do anything and to see and talk to people. But I just powered through and kept telling myself – “Just keep going”.
And after a few weeks, I found my place again.
Second big win – I started to drive!
Ever since I was young, I was insecure about not knowing how to drive. I was just too scared to do it. I did learn though – once after graduating college in 2012 and the other in 2022.
Robi and I would already talk about settling down back in 2022 and that’s when I realized I needed to drive. I enrolled myself in the Honda Safety Driving Center and I made sure to practice as often as I could. I was making so much progress but then, I got sick. I thought that was it for me and driving.
But early this year, my supportive husband told me to try again. And I did. I have been driving by myself for almost a month now. I still need a lot more practice but it’s surreal that I am actually doing it. It took me 10 years but I achieved it.
I really believe that it’s never too late to do something. If you really want it, it will happen.
Aside from managing a home, these two things have taken up most of my time lately. So it has been difficult focusing on my main priority – my health. I haven’t been able to go to rehab or exercise as often. The more I go out, the more tempted I am to eat food that is not good for me. My sleep has also been less than it should be. I get tired from work but I also want to enjoy and see friends even though I should rest.
It’s like a constant “Should I or should I not?” in my head and it’s tiring. I am also a people-pleaser so I tend to get pressured easily. I hate disappointing people and the guilt eats me up inside when I do. And lately, I also feel like I’ve been disappointing myself. I sadly had to increase my medicine dosage because of some test results and symptoms I’ve been experiencing again.
I sometimes miss the days when I was focused on myself and just living quietly at home. But that’s not a normal life. And maybe my life now is not normal anymore. I have to accept this new me fully and reassess my priorities to ensure I don’t get sick again. Time to get back on track!
Life is challenging. One day you’re up, one day you’re down. But I will cherish the wins and the fact that I am okay. I need to just keep reminding myself of this. I just have to keep going.
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Hi, it's Maiqui. 