Hi, it's Maiqui.

Can you believe that only two months are left until the year ends? We are now in November. Where did the time go?

I’ve been trying to reflect back on how my October was. In all honestly, it was a blur. I stayed home most of the month because I wanted to be extra careful as I was adjusting my medicines. There were too many stories of people getting sick with COVID again or the flu so I made sure to avoid going out and being exposed. However, the isolation did get to me at some point.

Ironically, as I was physically getting better, I started to struggle more mentally and emotionally. I could do more things but the fear of making a mistake or ruining my road to recovery would take over. Whenever I went out or saw friends, I would have a great time in the moment. But when I get home, the fear and guilt would creep in. If I felt even the tiniest symptom – whether it’s a headache, a cough, swelling or palpitations – I would start to feel bad all over again.

I spent the past six months just focusing on getting better and I feel like I’ve slightly forgotten how to live life again. I would only be in my house, the hospital, or Singapore. I would only see my family, a few close friends, my fiancé, and my doctors. I stayed within my comfort zone because I was afraid people wouldn’t understand if I didn’t look well, if I had to cancel last minute or if they had to adjust because of me.

I learned that most people with a chronic illness or autoimmune disease feel this way. It’s sadly a burden we have to live with. But the good thing is that more and more people are opening up and speaking about what it’s like. I’ve found several Instagram accounts that have been very helpful in educating people about it. I think the more aware people are, the more understanding they can be.

This is the main reason why I continue to write on this blog. I still get messages on Instagram from people who went through or are experiencing similar conditions, symptoms, and treatments. I try to reply and help them as much as I can because I know what it feels like to be lost, confused, and scared. One person even asked me if I knew of any Philippine autoimmune support group. I tried joining more global support groups but I haven’t seen any locally.

Is this a sign to start one? Is this what’s next for me? What do you guys think?

As I reflect more on that idea, what’s really next for me is to start adjusting back to life again. Since my tests and body continue to improve, I have shifted back to focusing on my wedding, my future home, and everything I need to do for it. I have also decided to try therapy to deal with all the trauma that I went through because of the condition. I got a personal trainer to start working on strengthening my body again. And, I am also looking forward to seeing a lot more people this holiday season and just enjoy all the Christmas festivities.

Ending this post for now with some of the Instagram accounts that I’ve found to be helpful. Let’s continue to be kind and compassionate people always. –